Create Your Blueprint For Happiness
The past few months I’ve been helping a lot more people update their resumes, which leads me to believe that more people than usual are leaving their jobs. Though the reason for leaving their current role may vary, e.g. not challenged enough, more money, incompetent manager, etc., most struggle to articulate what it is that they want to do in their next opportunity.
Like many people during this Great Resignation era, you may have found yourself at a fork in the road and become a bit more introspective, and ask yourself Am I working too much? Am I happy? What the heck am I doing with my life?
If this was you, did you find your answers--or were you stumped?
Fortunately for me, I love what I do, so I don’t plan to update my resume anytime soon.
I’m happy with where I am today, professionally and personally. A lot of my success has to do with luck, hard work, and privilege, but before acknowledging any of that, I needed to have some sort of vision or purpose. Angela Duckworth calls this the life philosophy in her book Grit.
My life philosophy written in Pete Carroll’s excerpt in Angela Duckworth’s Grit
To take that vision further, I created my map for happiness, a personal compass to guide my aspirations.
Jesse’s Blueprint for Happiness
Helping someone learn something new
Being able to make my own choices / calling the shots
Spending time with family
I’ve always valued the needs for meaning, autonomy, and love. If I’m helping others learn, I’m happy. If I am in control of my decisions, I’m happy. If I have the flexibility to spend time with my family whenever I want, I am happy.
So how has following my blueprint for happiness manifested itself in my work and family life? Since I founded my Talent Development business, I have been my own boss, and I call the shots on everything. I work an average of 20 hours a week upskilling teams, coaching individuals and managers, and building free resources for professional development. The rest of my time is spent raising two young daughters with my husband.
Now, some of you may think that’s not the life you want, and that’s okay. For me, it is. I believe happiness in your career (and life) has much to do with balancing two ideas-- a clear and practical definition of what success looks like to you with an understanding of when to stop chasing.
I vividly remember a phone call I had with my dad when I was still in corporate America. He knew I was looking to leave my job partly because of a manager I didn’t respect and partly because I didn’t get the promotion I felt I deserved. He responded, “You need to learn when to stop. Be happy with what you have.”
This was a shock to hear because, like many of us, I have been conditioned to believe that more money and power equals success, so you don’t stop until you reach the top. But through experience, significant life changes, and speaking to people on my People Podcast about their definition of success, I realized that success is determined by what matters to you and not what society wants us to believe.
We all have needs.
In my Communicating with Empathy class, I teach that we all have similar underlying needs. In order to surround ourselves with positive feelings like happiness, we need to constantly recenter ourselves to get our needs met. As mentioned earlier, I have a need for meaning and to help others. When I offer my help, but the person doesn’t accept it, I fear I’m irrelevant. When I am facilitating a training workshop and providing someone in the class with an “a-ha” moment, I feel engaged.
The way we get our needs met may differ. To me, autonomy means not working for another manager ever again. To you, it may mean working with a boss who provides you with the space to take risks and invites you to share your ideas without fear of being judged.
What’s a simple way to identify your needs and create your blueprint for happiness?
Take a look at this list of common needs below and consider the following questions. This is a useful framework to use when determining what you need in your next job, manager, and company culture.
Which of these needs resonates with you most? Why?
Think of the type of people you want to work with. What needs do they value?
What are some ways/strategies you can get these needs met? For example, Autonomy can be met through flexible working arrangements and High Standards can be met through a culture of accountability.
The 9 Most Common Needs at Work from Feed Learning’s Communicating with Empathy training workshop
What if you don’t know what you want?
Some people don’t know what they want, and that’s absolutely normal. We’re often so busy solving other people’s problems that we forget to think about what truly matters to us. If what you want is obscure, perhaps think of the opposite of it. Meaning, what do you not want? What makes you feel disengaged at work? Which of these needs that, if missing, would cause you the most stress or unpleasant feelings?
Here’s a sample list of what someone does not like / not want:
| Behavior | Unmet Need | |
|---|---|---|
| Unclear expectations | Clarity/Meaning | |
| People who only think about themselves | Consideration | |
| People who take credit for your work | Recognition |
In the example above, Clarity/Meaning, Consideration, and Recognition are needs that are important to this person. With that in mind, this individual may want to surround themself with people and spaces that allow them to get these needs met. For example, they may look for a manager who is clear and transparent in their communication (Clarity/Meaning), a company with a strong culture of teamwork and collaboration (Consideration), or a manager who recognizes employees by giving both positive and constructive feedback (Recognition).
You can determine this during the interview process by asking questions like How would you describe the company culture? How would you describe the manager’s leadership style? What does the company’s strategy and goal setting process look like? Any environment that does not foster these needs will most likely compromise this person’s happiness.
What should I do next?
So, take a pause and think about where you’re at in your journey. I’d love to hear from you. Are you where you want to be? If you are, why do you think that is? If not, imagine what’s important to you and what you’ll need to do to be happy.
Click here for a simple exercise to create your Blueprint for Happiness.
Cheers,
Jesse